Joanne Brodkin speaks with
Monica Zalcman

Even though I hadn’t seen Monica in some time, and had only met her once (when we collaborated together on a project for JIAS Canada), it was impossible not to recognize her big, beautiful smile the minute she walked through the door of Starbucks. After we both greeted each other, like long-lost friends, and gave one another a two-cheeked kiss (Buenos Aires-style: her and Montreal-style: me), we sat down to enjoy our piping hot coffees and a lovely conversation. 

I asked Monica how long she had been in Toronto. She replied that it had already been one year and 9 months. I really wanted to know how Monica and her family were doing, and how their lives had evolved from the moment they had stepped off the plane from Buenos Aires.  Monica hesitated, trying to put what she said next delicately. “Toronto is not such a welcoming place,” she responded.  I was not surprised by her response because I had had similar feelings when I arrived here (5-1/2 years ago), however I knew these feelings would dissipate after awhile.  I mentioned that in Toronto, the best way to meet people is to join groups or through one’s children. Strangers do not tend to cozy up to you in a large urban “American-style” city. She agreed, and mentioned that there are a number of families who moved here from Argentina and some of them try to meet at parks and other meeting places so they can get to know and support one another.

Monica made a point of sharing with me that her family, although they have had many hardships in starting a whole new life in a country far from their original home, are nevertheless a prime example of a “model family.” They have integrated quite well within both the Jewish community and in Canadian society as a whole. As a matter of fact, Monica is now working, part-time, at JVS Toronto, as well as volunteering at JIAS Toronto’s office. At the former, she is helping to find jobs for the Latin American community, and at the latter, she is very involved with the Family-to-Family Program. She points out that this program had originally functioned as part of the UJA Community Integration Program and then sort of petered out. Lately, there has been a concerted effort to revitalize it. Monica is very positive about the entire project, with a strong belief that “we should build something for future generations.”

Monica is very confident about the choices her family made by coming to live in Canada. She explains that in Argentina, the daily news was rife with kidnappings, and that both the police and the politicians are corrupt. She knew that in moving here, they would broaden their horizons – even if they had to leave so much behind.  She told me stories of how the banks had kept many citizens’ money and how, even if people wanted to sell their homes as a way to avoid bankruptcy, their properties had been reduced to a quarter of their value. Some couldn’t even sell their homes and left the country anyway. 

The first two months in Canada were extremely difficult for Monica’s family.  Monica had done a lot of research before even arriving here, into how to settle and integrate as quickly as possible. Since the family was moving in June, she thought it would be a good idea to have her son (then 11 years old) attend ESL classes during the summer months, prior to starting school in September. Wouldn’t you know it – as if things weren’t tough enough already, the City of Toronto workers went on strike and summer camps were closed, ergo no ESL classes for her son. This, on top of the fact that it was too late to submit an application to the school boards for the fall semester.

Monica explained that in Argentina, one can apply even a few days before a course or camp is starting, and there is always room. In fact, it is to your advantage because of consistent price fluctuations. You have a much better shot of paying a lower price the longer you wait. There’s no such thing as the early bird getting the worm. Monica relayed a story that happened this year in Toronto. In January, one of her friends asked if Monica’s family would like to go camping with them during the coming summer – she needed to know right there and then so she would be able to secure a spot. Monica was flabbergasted that she had to give her an answer so early in the year. She had to call her mother and uncle in Buenos Aires to find out when they were coming to visit, so she would not miss out on summer vacation. Here was a perfect example of the differences between two cultures!

When they first arrived, their friends had found the Zalcmans a basement apartment in the Bathurst/Lawrence area. Her kids had felt isolated – Monica felt the area was more suited for singles and newly married couples. When they were able, they moved to a condo in the Bathurst/Steeles area. The North York/Thornhill location has proven to be much better for everyone as it is more family-oriented. Slowly, the children have become used to everything and are doing quite well now.  

I asked Monica if moving closer to other Argentine families had been a priority for her. She said definitely not. If it happened per chance, that would be great, but she said “we wanted to integrate into mainstream Canadian society. We didn’t come here to be “together” all the time, but wanted to make a point of melding into society. And it certainly is possible here, even though integration is not an easy thing”. 

I wanted to know more about the life they had left behind. I had heard so much about Buenos Aires – how beautiful and cultured it was. Many have referred to it as the Paris of the Americas.  Monica relayed how the Jewish community’s lives were very bound up with the local synagogues, but stressed that this was not necessarily for religious reasons and more for the social and sports-oriented aspects. In fact, this had been their way of life since they were young children.

When many Argentines arrive here, they assume that Jewish life will be pretty much the same as in their native city. However, according to Monica, they did notice a slight difference in the level of religious observance. In Buenos Aires, her family were members of a Conservative shul. When they came to Canada, they realized that the Conservative shuls were more traditional than they had been used to. They felt more comfortable in a Reform environment.  They had thought that all they had to do was to walk into any synagogue or JCC and it would be overflowing with people of all ages, busy with the hustle bustle of activities offered, and they would just “hang out” with others. Unfortunately, they did not find the same sort of vibrant social life and community gatherings that they had hoped for. Monica explained how, back home, the synagogues were genuine community centres. After-school hours and weekends were spent there, and all ages were involved in programs of all kinds.. Even though this took place at the synagogues – places of worship – prayer was not the focal point. 

As a very driven and focused woman, determined to improve her family’s, and others’ lives in a new country, Monica and some others have decided to tackle this issue and try to recreate the environment they so enjoyed back home – not only for newcomers, but also for those who grew up here. Monica and some of her Argentine friends decided to search for a space where they could set up some kind of club or socializing centre. This is the dream of every Argentinean who has moved here, Monica told me. They, unfortunately looked for, but could not find, a place where they could meet. Monica found that her kids were bored.

Finally, a ray of sunlight appeared on the horizon. Five families had approached Temple Kol Ami about this initiative. With kindness and understanding, and a keen interest in such an innovative program, Temple Kol Ami obliged, opened their hearts, and found a space for them at Leo Baeck School. And when weather permits, the group can use the outdoor space at Temple Kol Ami’s Dufferin Street location, situated in the lush woods surrounding their main building. Since that time, Monica and the others have been busy putting together this “Kinderclub” that they will call “Balagan.” It will consist of three groups of the following age levels: five to seven year olds; eight to ten year olds; and eleven to thirteen year olds. It will operate on Saturday afternoons, between 2:30 – 5:30. What activities will be included? You name it! Sports, leadership training, theatre, music, group dynamics, socializing, debates, arts and crafts, how to deal with different situations, Jewish culture and traditions, etc.   Monica feels strongly in her heart that this is what the Argentines are used to. From the moment you are born, you are part of a group. As you grow up, through the years, you are always surrounded by others, developing friendships and bonds that last a lifetime. One never feels isolated or alone, but part of a community. As the popular saying goes, “it takes a whole village to raise a child.” 

She hopes this program will heighten the level of teenagers’ curiosity about their Jewish roots, and excite them about the richness of their culture. Monica and I both agreed that this would be an essential tool for promoting Jewish continuity, an issue that every Jewish community around the world is grappling with. Having a pleasant atmosphere to hang out in, along with an opportunity to have fun with friends, new and old, are two ingredients for a very successful recipe, and with parents volunteering and running the programs, a safe environment is a guarantee.  

I found Monica’s courage and determination inspirational. Here for barely two years and she is already bringing great ideas to the forefront of, and making valuable contributions to, the community. The more I spoke with her, the more strength I gleaned from her and the more inspired I became from her positive focus and her ability to not let any negativity get her down. 

When they had moved into their first apartment, Monica described the experience by saying: “We came from a big apartment full of light (in Buenos Aires) and went into a dark basement. And yet, when my husband and I had made our decision to immigrate, we were so sure about our decision. Children feel your strength.” 

She related the following story that brought her to tears and left me with butterflies in my stomach. “One day, my son was at the computer on the internet. He had just received an e-mail from one of his friends in Buenos Aires and opened the message. All of a sudden, many other friends from back home were also connecting to him. He couldn’t understand how all this was happening at the same time. Finally, we realized that they were all in computer class, at his old school, and they were all writing to him. He started to cry and I started to cry. Yet he turned to me and said: ‘Mommy, you still made the right decision.’” This was a very emotional moment in my conversation with Monica and we both had to take a moment to compose ourselves. Moments like this truly portray the pain involved in leaving friends and family behind, even when the reasons are clearly right. 

Today, both of Monica’s children are doing very well. When they first arrived, Monica’s daughter started out at one high school but asked her parents to switch her, as the crowd was a bit rough. Even though she had made some new friends, she did not feel comfortable with the environment. Now she is extremely happy. Recently, she participated in an audition at the Claude Watson Arts Program in order to get into a drama program. Facing 20 other students, and with her broken English, she got in! After five months, she moved on to become a Stage Manager for the play, “The Music Man.” Last May, she passed another audition at the Tarragon Theatre to perform a Bertolt Brecht play. Not bad!  

Monica’s son is in middle school now. Even though they moved from their first dwelling, her son decided he wanted to continue in his original school. He had made so many new friends that he was not ready to leave them – he had already left enough friends behind. 

Monica is a busy woman. Along with working at JVS and volunteering at JIAS, her most worthwhile and meaningful moments are spent just being there for her family. With two young teenagers, all mothers everywhere know what a full-time job this is! Monica’s academic and professional background is diverse. Back home she studied Bio Chemistry and graduated as a pharmacist. Following this degree, she completed a Master’s degree in Jewish Studies. She then went on to work at the Holocaust Museum in Buenos Aires. Unfortunately, she did not pass the evaluation for pharmacists here in Canada, and she hopes to go back to school in the future. 

Monica’s husband works as a systems analyst in a real estate company and is thoroughly happy with the company he works for and the people he is engaged with. In a word, he describes his job as “great!” 

Monica is steadfast in her belief that the most important thing newcomer parents can do for their children is to try to be as strong as they possibly can. “Children are your reflection. They feel your emotions. If you are stressed out, they will feel it and it will directly affect their lives.”  

When I met with Monica, it was two days after a large, urgent community-wide gathering against anti-Semitism and hate, which had been held at the Leah Posluns Theatre in Toronto. I had attended it and Monica told me she had too. I asked her how she felt about the recent rash of anti-Semitic incidents in Vaughan and Toronto. I felt I needed to know her feelings about these events because these types of crimes were what Argentinean Jews hoped to leave behind when they immigrated to Canada. After all, it wasn’t so long ago that tragic bombings occurred in the Jewish Community Centre and the Israeli embassy in Buenos Aires, that Jewish cemeteries were desecrated, along with other anti-Semitic acts.  Monica told me that the day before had been the anniversary of the military coup d’état in Argentina in 1976, which took 30,000 lives. She also told me that twelve of her classmates had disappeared in those years. When she spoke on the phone to one of her friends in Argentina, a day after the rally in Toronto, her friend told her that she, too, had been in a rally. “I never thought I’d be in a rally like this in Canada,” Monica said. “I never thought it could happen here.” Then, in the same breath, Monica told me that although the Jewish people in Argentina had, unfortunately, become used to the scourges of anti-Semitism, she really believed that here, something will be done about it.  

Monica says that when she sees her children so happy, this makes her and her husband even more confident that they made a worthwhile decision. And it helps them to be happier as well. “This is our city,” she states, “I don’t imagine us every moving again. We feel like we belong.” Monica goes on to quote a story about when Julius Caesar declared war on a nation with a larger army than his own. Caesar told his soldiers to arm themselves with artillery, to board their boats and to go to the enemy’s island. Once there, he instructed them to burn their boats. This way, they would have no choice but to conquer their enemy, as turning back wouldn’t be an option. What a perfect metaphor Monica had for describing her situation, and indeed what an example she offered for Jewish people worldwide, to never recoil from the oppression and anti-Semitism, but to face it head-on and quash it forcefully and immediately.

As we get ready to celebrate Pessah, may we always take heed of what the Haggadah says, “In every generation one rises up to destroy us, in every generation we must seek our freedom.” Chag Sameach to everyone and may tomorrow bring peace for all worldwide.

 Joanne Brodkin is a freelance writer and volunteer with JIAS Canada